Many young ladies or spinsters have been confronted with the dilemma of a boyfriend or fiancé demanding that they,first, get pregnant for them before they can proceed with paying their bride price, a sort of confirmation of their fertility. Feminine Corner put the question to the public and their responses are as varying as their faces. Excerpts:
If my fiancé makes it compulsory that I must get pregnant first before he can pay my bride price, so that he can be sure I can conceive and bear children for him, I will not grant such request because it might be a set up. If he loves me and willing to spend the rest of his life with me, he should be ready to take the risk by paying the bride price first. It does not make sense and any lady that grants such request is either desperate or foolish.In the long run, it would backfire on her.
My parents had me out of wedlock and never gave birth afterwards despite several frantic efforts. My dad later married three other women and had babies with them but my mum had no more. My mum remarried and still has no other child apart from me. Even if a lady gets pregnant once, morbidity can alter the course of events as regards reproduction. More so, the giver of life could take the life any time. Self-help or self-management is not advisable.
I won’t take such trash. If my fiance loves me enough, he should wait for the appropriate time to pay my bride price and not give me conditions. As far we are medically ok, there’s no need demanding for pregnancy. I pity those that would agree to such demand without considering the consequences. Some of them might even dump you as soon as they learn you are pregnant. Men are unpredictable.
This is wrong in every way. If pregnancy accidentally occurs before marriage, that is a different case. But if a man puts it on me that I must be pregnant or makes it a condition before paying my bride price, then I will start looking at him differently and will not grant such request. However, this kind of demand happens because some men believe many young girls play around, hopping from one man to another in the name of being ‘slay queen’. And in the process would abort many babies which may have side effects when they finally settle down. And most men who make such demands have had history of girlfriends that aborted babies and so when he wants to settle down with another girl, he demands that the girl gets pregnant first because he knows the game very well and so, thinks that every woman is like the one he messed up. So, this “get pregnant before I wed you thing” is seen more from men who are game players or have played a lot of games.
It’s not right to ask a lady to get pregnant before paying her bride price. It might be the person’s way of looking for excuse to dump her. On the other hand, the man might be right if he suspects that she had done multiple abortions. Getting pregnancy becomes a proof that her womb is still intact. Maybe he met her in a wayward lifestyle and had grown so much love for her as to settle down with her and, as a result, he might have the feelings that she might have done somany things in the past that might likely affect her womb.
If a man really wants me, he won’t be particular about pregnancy as a condition for bride price. Is he marrying me or marrying pregnancy? I should be his first priority before children. What if am pregnant before the payment of bride price and the thing comes down, even after the wedding? Will he collect his money back? Why are we tempting God? What will be will be; whether you pay bride price or not!! It is very wrong and it’s a sign of selfishness on the part of any guy that insists on that. I told my hubby I didn’t want sex before wedding and he waited. We are blessed with kids today.
Well, it depends on the level of trust and love between the two persons and if the lady is advanced in age and desperate to settle down. In that case, she might take the chance but for a young lady that has many suitors asking for her hand in marriage, there’s no way she would accept that unless she loves the guy so much. However, the best way to handle the issue is to do fertility test.
If my fiancé demands that I get pregnant before he pays my bride price, I will take the risk as long as I am sure that he loves me and I love him too. Even if my family and church are against it, it will not stop me from taking the decision; after all, they will not marry me if I don’t see someone to marry.
Fertility is of God, not man. What if she got pregnant and after the marriage, she couldn’t conceive again? The child from the first conception could even die. What would happen in such circumstance? Will he then divorce her and go on another round of girl fertility test? And sometimes infertility and in ability to make babies can come from man as well. In my own opinion it’s not necessary to be pregnant before bride price. Only go for all medical tests necessary before marriage. God will do therest. But girls nowadays are something else but we will not use it put God for test. If I am a lady I will not risk doing it; let him go; another man will come.
I will not get pregnant for a guy as a condition for him to pay my bride price except I mistakenly get pregnant. Even then, we will start talking about fast-tracking marriage plans. Any guy who makes such demand on his girlfriend shows lack of trust and does not regard God. Was that how it was in the beginning? Men should learn to fear God and surrender to his will. It’s only Him who can give children and good ones for that matter. Asking a lady to get pregnant first is like doubting God and I cannot marry such a man who cannot trust God and his fiancee.
A man that demands that his fiancée must get pregnant for him before paying her bride price does not have true love for her. His love for her is conditional love and would not last because he is after his selfish interest – desire for babies. If I love such a guy, as soon as he gives me such condition, my love for him will diminish and I will leave him. There’s no doubt about that. If he demands for fertility test, that is understandable, but requesting for pregnancy? No way!
If a man truly loves a woman, he cannot use pregnancy as a pre-condition for paying her bride price. It’s a sign that he is probably not ready to marry her and looking for excuse to end the relationship or he doesn’t have money for it. I see no reason a man that loves a woman so much would begin to entertain doubts over her fertility except if the lady has medical history that limits her chances of getting pregnant and bearing children. It’s only on that ground that such request can be entertained, but it’s still not a proof of love.
It’s not proper for a guy to ask his girlfriend to get pregnant before he proceeds for marriage just for him to confirm her fertility. If the guy truly loves the girl and genuinely wants to marry her, being pregnant first will not bother him because the girl is not theprovider of children. What if she gets pregnant for him as a confirmation of her fertility and later have miscarriage; will the guy say she’s not fertile? And it’s against the bible for a woman to be pregnant before marriage.It shows they have been having premarital sex which is a sin. So it’s not proper for a guy to test his woman fertility.
This kind of issues can only come up in a relationship involving an unbeliever because a true child of God won’t make such demand if he truly believes in God. A situation where both of them are not born again, anything or kind of demand can be made. But, what it shows is lack of true love for the partner and trust in God. Any guy who makes such demand on me, that’s the end of the relationship, because it shows that he is after making babies and not spending his life with me. Such guys are not even serious husbands.
It’s not advisable for a lady to grant such demand from her fiance. It is the first sign that he is looking out for his own interests in the relationship. Besides, there’s every chance that he might end up disappointing her and not pay the bride price at all. In that case the lady ends up with double heartbreak – getting pregnant out of wedlock, being duped and dumped by the guy. A genuine lover will never make such demands. Just quit and look for someone else. Don’t give it a second thought.
I don’t buy such idea in my own opinion. Getting pregnant before marriage is odd to me. The society we are today has made some people to start such thing due to their past experiences. On the contrary, ladies are the real cause of these actions. Most men don’t trust their partners during relationship even when they claim to love each other. I strongly believe that if both partners have a good understanding and being honest with each other, they will not want pregnancy before marriage
Biblically it is wrong; marriage is honourable with the bed undefiled. If a man can’t trust that she can be fertile,how are you sure he can trust her to be a wife. Promising to marry a girl does not give a man a license to her. Ladies should be wise because the man can easily take advantage of them in the process and walk away.
Any man that wants pregnancy before marrying her is not serious. Is he trying to challenge God? What if, after the first child and she couldn’t bear another child, will he chase her out of his house? It’s better to put God first because He’s a master and perfect planner. This can only happen to unbelievers because a believer who studied and practised their bible will always do things according to God’s direction.
I disagree with this, because it may take some ladies up to 2 or 3 years before they can conceive or some may be barren and that does not mean they should not marry. I believe marriage should be based on mutual love, not trial and error. A man that loves a lady will not subject her to such experiment before asking for her hand in marriage. If he really loves me he won’t demand of that knowing that I am not a manufacturer of babies. It’s God that gives kids at His own time. Have we forgotten that many times, it’s the husband’s fault that their wives don’t conceive, so should we now subject men to such test before accepting them?
This kind of demand is not appropriate and I can’t take such risk for someone I love. Love and marriage, I believe,should be unconditional and,besides, technology has made it possible for one to determine the fertility status of the couple. Gone are the days when things like this were acceptable. With the level of enlightenment in the society today, such ideology should be thrown to the dustbin. God gives children and so we should not challenge him with such reckless demand. I believe in the adagethat admonishes us not to attempt running faster than our shadow.
I disagreed with men who make such demands on their fiancé; that does not show love. Moreover, it is a sin before God for man and woman to engage in sex before marriage talk less of demanding for pregnancy. My advice for young ladies who may find themselves in this kind of dilemma is to run away from the man as fast as you can if that is all he wants before paying your bride price. The reason is that he does not trust you and trust means a lot in a marriage. Don’t settle down with someone who doesn’t trust you; you might end up regretting it.
It is discretionary and dependent on certain factors. First, it depends on what is the motivation of the couple for coming together and their past. If the main purpose of getting together is to have children, then the lady is free to oblige such request. But if children are seen as added value in the marriage, then, the couple should explore other ways of testing fertility.