By Chinelo Nwangene
The Western styled public marriage proposal has come under fresh scrutiny, following last week’s embarrassing rejection of an Igbo man’s marriage proposal to his fiancé inside a market in Owerri, Imo state. The bizarre incident, which took place barely three weeks after another lady also rejected her boyfriend’s public marriage proposal, because he did not kneel down to pop the question, has provoked culture debate amongst Igbo people and others.
A video clip of a man, who went from kneeling down to rolling in the mud in a crowded market to beg his fiancé to marry him, which ended in a dramatic rejection, has since been trending on the internet since last weekend. In the dramatic viral video, the young man, identified as Nnamdi, was seen prostrating on the ground in his desperate bid to persuade the lady, also identified as Charity, to accept to marry him.
Charity, who was not moved by his pleas, and was shifting away from the pleading lover, was overheard telling him “leave me alone!”
At a stage, Nnamdi, who was dressed in a white-coloured senator attire, went face down on the muddy ground, weeping and begging her to accept his marriage proposal; but she declined. Not even pleas from sympathisers, who gathered at the scene could sway her, as she fled the scene, leaving the guy crying on the ground.
The jilted lover, said to be a bricklayer, later disclosed that he spent his meagre income training Miss Charity in the university, only for her to dump him after graduation, because, she felt he was no longer up to her level. He further claimed that Charity was the third woman to dump him in such embarrassing manner, stressing that most young ladies nowadays see relationship as opportunity to dupe men.
A witness, who shared the video also wrote: “I am an eyewitness to this. According to the man, he trained her through school, rented and equipped her shop, bought her a small car, only for him to propose to her and got turned down.”
The dramatic incident took place barely three weeks after a video clip of another Nigerian lady, who rejected her fiance’s marriage proposal because he didn’t kneel down before proposing to her, went viral on the internet.
Following widespread condemnation that greeted her action on the social media, the lady, who identified herself as Lucy, later released a video statement where she insisted that any man, who wishes to seek her hand in marriage must kneel down.
She said: “My boyfriend must kneel down to propose to me. I don’t expect my guy to stand up and be asking me, “Will you marry me?” I will not accept that. I no fit accept that kind ring (proposal).
“Everybody has his own policy. That is my own policy, ok? A responsible guy suppose to kneel down to engage his girlfriend. He shouldn’t just stand. At least, give her that respect because, when you marry her, anything wey you tell the girl, she go dey do,” she added.
Expectedly, the latest embarrassing marriage rejection has sparked angry reactions and debate on Igbo marriage customs and tradition. While many commentators attacked the lady for maltreating her lover, others also took a swipe at the man for his poor handling of the marriage proposal.
“Something is wrong somewhere. This is not ordinary, and the girl is aware of it,” Obiageli Okeke reacted.
Uche Ike also viewed it as self-inflicted embarrassment. “Why are our men doing this kind of shameful act of kneeling to propose marriage to women always?” She queried.
Stanley Miyno blamed the jilted lover. He argued that he should have known that the lady would reject his proposal, but he was blinded by the huge amount of money he invested in training her through the university.
“Your foolish spending on her couldn’t allow you to see that the girl was only after your money, and did not love you,” he said.
Benjamin Edafearèniyokè Inana, also blamed the man for failing to read the handwritings on the wall. According to him, it is quite unacceptable for a man to propose to a lady without prior marriage discussion.
“It is uncalled for to propose to a lady, who has not in one way given you some assurance that you are marriageable to her. A man shouldn’t just feel because he has spent so much on a lady, the lady would end up saying ‘YES’ whenever and however he chooses to propose to her.
“A man shouldn’t also think because he has spent so much years with a lady, the years spent together would propel the lady to accept his marriage proposal against all odds.”
Oliver Anyanwu said he should have gone ahead with his marriage plan according to Igbo customs, rather than doing public proposal. “Which day this proposal thing become a new style of seeking woman’s hand in marriage?” He asked.
Comrade Ubi G.C Udogadi, however, described the public proposal stunt by the man as stupidity of the highest order, and an insult on Igbo customs and tradition.
“Why will I insult my ancestors because you rejected my ring?”, he queried; stressing that real men always has contingency plan.
According to him, “rolling himself in protest in a busy market makes me wonder if the young man actually sucked an Igbo woman’s breast; maybe, he belongs to the ‘Nano Milk generation.’ Even in the event of being a sole sponsor of the lady’s schooling, such show of supreme idiocy and insult to one’s ancestral generation ought not be. If I were to be the young man’s father or family member, I would outrightly disown him till his brains return.”
Afeez Adewale Gbadamosi, on his own, blames the incident on what he called erosion of African culture by western lifestyle.
“What took place there was absolute madness. But I don’t know why the man should put himself in such mess. It’s only useless men that allow foreign culture in our society to spoil our local culture. I do get goosebumps when I encounter some nonsensical display of stupidity in the name of modern-day relationship and marriage. The abrupt discarding of African marriage customs makes me worry because, we are already witnessing harmful effect of the so-called civilisation in our society,” he said.
According to Ben Obiatuegwu, “Kneeling down does not even denote love or respect for the girl. It denotes lack of native faith and etiquette. We bastardise our culture and antecedents in the guise of courtesy and modernity.”
Phil Ezeoguargued that kneeling down to propose marriage to a maiden is not acceptable in Igbo culture, and should quickly be jettisoned before it does more damages.
“This breeze of so-called modernisation will take us to unknown lands. Most young people don’t know what marriage is all about anymore,” he warned.
Guy Okechukwu expressed regrets that young Igbo people have embraced different values in their quests to belong to the civilised society.
“I put an engagement ring in my wife’s finger 44 years ago, without kneeling down to propose to her, and when I went for wine carrying, she brought a glass of palm wine and knelt in front of me. I drank the wine and then, lifted her up. I never knelt for her,” he said.
Ozioma Izuorah, however, added that marriage proposals should be private in accordance with Igbo customs.
“The best way is to go for the marriage proposal in private, and then announce to the world after clinching the agreement. But people of these days want to play to the gallery, and when it backfires like this, it goes viral.”
She expressed regrets that in Igboland, Umunna have since lost their bite in certain matters, especially marriages.
She added: “Many umunna are on Facebook disgracing their heritage in other ways. No moral ground to be concerned about the activities of their young ones living in the virtual world. Check out BB-Naija. It is umunna that are sponsoring it,” she said.
Queeneth Ogochukwu argued that there was nothing wrong in a man kneeling to propose to a lady.
She suggested: “A guy kneeling down to propose doesn’t reduce money in his bank account or add anything to his problems. It is just like an elderly man answering baby from a small side chick. We should just concentrate on ourselves, family and business. My hubby didn’t even propose to me with ring. We just dated and he met my family, etc. Most times, I wish he knelt down to propose. I see nothing wrong in it.”
Moses Femi Akinwande, however, said that such act of rejection always have unpleasant consequences.
“Young ladies should be mindful when rejecting young men’s marriage proposals, especially when the reason was because he has nothing today. If he was still in his metamorphosis stage, something bigger and beautiful may emerge, and things may change for the better,” he warned.
Samuel Okoro opined that the lady, who jilted a man that sponsored her through the university in such embarrassing manner, would definitely find herself still searching for husband many years to come.
“Don’t worry, if this drama was not a movie, this lady will still find herself in ‘Shiloh 2040’ praying for miracle husband. Sometimes, we don’t attach value to what we have until we lose it.”